Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I Hate ADD, I Don't Care, I'm Sick of It!

I'm a temp.  I mean this whole blog thing was first dreamed up while I was temping (the most boring job ever too! - seriously, it was boring! really really boring!)  I'm working a different gig now, but I'm still a temp.  Heck I once turned a 9 month temp gig into a 7 year temp gig (that was cool because it was a benefited position so I didn't mind that I was capped at 30 hours a week, sometimes I filled my extra time with a second temp job, sometimes with just being a wife, sometimes being a mom, sometimes writing or gaming).  Honestly, if it weren't for the insurance issue there are tons and tons of things I love about temping.  If I could temp permanently, that might be a good thing.

I've been wondering all year what I should do for a "real" job.  I mean temping is great, but it's hardly consistent, it rarely offers insurance (something it looks like my husband will not be able to provide for our family), and it doesn't lend itself to planning for any kind of future stability and long term family plans.  I've sat down many times to write asking for career advice.  I mean I'm good at lots of things, I have varied interests, I have a bachelor's degree, and I'd love to pursue a career that catches my interests even if it means going back to school.  Unfortunately, I have a tendency to get bored.  Really bored.  Unworkable, employee block, bored.  The kind of bored that just can't be pushed through.  I'm really reluctant to admit I'm there again.

Part of the objectives of this blog was to table the boredom, to allow me to use another part of my brain so I can stay focused on my work longer, and when I'm good about writing it has helped.  I know I haven't been good about it lately, but I've also been caught up in other realities.  Helping friends, trying to be a more present member of the family (hard when jobs and whatnot are calling for your time), and I just haven't been happy with where blogs I start have been going.  I need to remember not to keep my expectations high when writing here, but when I never seem to get to my point, or I've trailed away so far from my point it seems pointless to try to go back.... yeah they don't get published.

So what do I do, I sit and stare at code.  I'm supposed to be translating the code.  I'm supposed to be incorporating into my other code.  I'm supposed to make the whole thing go, yet I just can't focus.  I want to run away, I drift off in my head.  The other day I created a business that I've been thinking about, planned the building, the remodel, group activities offered, slogans, the works (well it needed a financial plan, but that's really not my thing, I get glazed when we start talking money).

In school it was never a big deal if I couldn't focus.  I mean I learned so fast that I had the concepts well in hand before it was ever necessary for me to demonstrate that fact.  Ok, it was sometimes a real challenge in college, but I had so many different classes and so much going on in my social life (planned a wedding for a couple weeks after graduation) that I didn't have time to really get bored.  In fact I did really really well in college, not necessary by academic ranking, but it was one of the best periods for me, in fact I almost didn't have to worry at all about the ADD.  Sure it caused problems with things like researching new topics (I get distracted and overwhelmed in looking for things), but I had help from my now husband.  I miss that.  I miss us working together for common goals.

Missing working with my husband isn't helping either.  I twice took jobs just to spend more time with him, working side-by-side.  They were awesome times!  My husband has a job again where I could help him, and I do from time-to-time, and I love it!  Unfortunately, I can't actually get a job with him though.  Technically, he's an independent contractor so he could hire me, but he's not making much money at it and therefore neither would I.  Anyway, jumping on his job isn't an option right now, but neither is staying home and being Mom-in-charge.

I need to get my act together.  I need to grind ahead with my job.  I need to figure out what the next step is, because I would be an idiot to not see that this job too, will not last.  I need to find a way to focus.  And I need that focus to be on the mind numbing task of digging equations out of MatLab code to translate into perl code.

Then I need to find something where I can stay interested, or switch it up enough that my ADD is a blessing, and not a burden.

If I only knew what kind of job that is....

1 comment:

  1. Hmm, I have no idea...must be hard to be ADD and smart! I've never had that problem. Most of what you just said about codes and what-not was all jiberish to me. I had to work so hard just to get decent grades it was ridiculous. I'm a slow learner, so, yeah, losing focus was a major issue. Personally writing has been a God-send for me! Especially since I'm hopeless with numbers! Jeremiah starts talking math and my eyes sort of glaze over. Even when he starts talking baseball stats! I knew it happened a month or so ago, cause he looked at me, stopped mid-sentence, and said, "Wow, you really don't like numbers, do you mom?!" No, son, I most definitely do not. Do you know of any jobs for someone whose mostly a nervous wreck and an idiot (which is why she's a nervous wreck) who always screws things up (again, why I'm a nervous wreck) can spell pretty well and write, sort of. Not very talented. Oh, and I can talk, but I can't memorize?


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