The Day I Didn't Die

A year ago January 30 will be the first anniversary of the day I didn't die.  Oh sure, there are lots of days that I've lived through, but that's different.  I've even had close calls before.  In fact I can count distinctly at least 5 separate times when I've felt as though I'm above myself looking down, if you don't count all my extremely vivid memories of flying down the hall and street when I was a kid.  Of course when I thought I was flying I didn't see my body down below, in the other 5 instances I did.

Before you get all wigged out on the "out of body experience" stuff.  First off, sometimes I just see the world in third person.  It's really not that big of a deal, it does give you an interesting time drawing three dimensional objects, but oh well.  Other times, well those are the bad ones, the times where I feel like I'm climbing the wall just to get away from what is happening and looking down on the situation.  That's only happened a couple times, usually when I'm in intense pain.  It tried to happen a year ago, but for the first time, I got stuck.

It was weird, it was like I only got half way out and I got stuck.  I don't know if I got distracted back into myself, if the pain was that much more intense or if it was the flood of doctors and nurses working to stabilize me and return me to normal.  Well, as normal as I get anyway.

So lets step back.  Last year I had just given birth to my son after being on bed rest for what felt like forever only to have to be induced because he was too low and his heart rate was dropping a few days after the early guess for his due date and a few days before the late guess.  My son, he's excellent, fine, perfect, and currently getting into stuff he shouldn't have instead of sleeping like most children are.  So I had my son, life was perfect, we went home the next day (Sunday).  Monday night the pain was so bad I went to my OB in the morning.  He gave me drugs, lots of drugs and told me to call if I didn't feel better, but warned me I'd probably feel worse first.  By Wednesday after two nights of no sleep and caring for a newborn and two other kids, I consented to returning to the hospital, just so I could sleep in a comfy hospital bed, since laying flat was excruciating and sitting up on the couch wasn't much better.

IV antibiotics are an amazing thing, you know.  Within a day I was feeling so much better.  By Friday they were running me through the last barrage of tests so I could go home and on Saturday morning the unhooked the IV and I started getting cleaned up to head home, the showers in the maternity wing are amazing.  Except I still hurt, and the intense water pressure on my belly was all kinds of bad.  I finished my shower and came out to get some pain pills when, well I started to die.

I mean sure, we're all dieing all the time, we are each progressing down the road towards death with each step that passes, each moment that flits away, but in this case it was one of those last steps on solid ground before entering a free fall to the hereafter.

The feelings are something I will never forget, although the drugs they gave me do have some all of what happened in a bit of a blur.  Within minutes the emergency teams had done their job and I was firmly back in my body and hooked to several machines.  Within a few hours I was forever separated from my week-ruptured appendix, and when I finally woke from the cocktail coma I began the long continuing road to recovery.

Recovery has sucked, the lingering problems are not pleasant.  Life has continued to smack me while I'm down.  Yet through all the horrid crap I've endured this year, I am ever so glad that I didn't die in that bed in room 109 of the maternity ward with my Mom and my infant son at my side, while my glorious daughters, amazing husband, and father were at a birthday party.  I am so very thankful to still be here, and this weekend I WILL be celebrating the anniversary of the day I didn't die.  There will be tears, there will be hugs, and there will be LOTS of time with my family, who make every day I've been given worth all the crap the rest of life seems to kick my way.

So next week when I bail on great posts, I'll be sleeping off the sheer joy that I am here to struggle through another year!